Exilon DR

 Exilon DR (Exilonamphodioxyzine delayed release), was still in its experimental phase.

It was a 7th generation atypical antipsychotic, with a heavy emphasis on the atypical.

In theory, it was supposed to function by guiding the user through a gentle "passive psychosis". This was meant to drain buildup of serotonin in the D3 and D6 receptors.

It went into clinical trials in spring of 2283. 

That's where I come in.

I've suffered bipolar disorder type 3 for my entire adult life. It's not getting better, it's getting worse.

The established antipsychotics of the sixth and fifth generation have not worked for me. The costs to my personal life have been drastic.

After an emotional outburst cost me my job at a meme factory, I sought out new solutions.

This is how I came to be enrolled in clinical trials for Exilon DR.

Due to the nature of "passive psychosis", we were in a supervised environment.

There were 30 of us from what I could tell, quarantined in an odd facility. It was painfully white, glossy paint, soft led tube lighting.

The place had a quality like a medical waiting room but they had tried to fashion it into a sort of resort I suppose.

Fake plastic palm trees dotted the rooms. Digital monitors hung from the walls simulating windows. They showed a beach view. The ocean gently swayed in and out from the shoreline.

There was a room that had deck chairs and a wall sized monitor. It displayed the view from a tropical inlet.

I think it was meant to be soothing but the artificiality of it all put me on edge.

I had just taken my second dose of Exilon when I sat down in the deck chair.

A kind woman named Becca brought me a pudding. She sat nearby watching the horizon beyond the waves.

"It's beautiful"she said setting her empty pudding cup on a nearby deck table. "I really hope this trial can do something for me."

"Me too" I replied "I'm desperate at this point".

Other patients shuffled in and out, but gradually the soft, artificial roar of the waves lulled me to sleep.

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In my dream a figure came to me. It appeared on the digital screen, walking along the beach. The foliage surrounding the edges of the screen took on a sinister appearance, twisting like snakes, shifting in color. 

The figure beckoned me with a long, grey finger. It wore a black and tattered hooded robe. I came to the edge of the screen and found that it was no longer a screen at all.

The figure pulled its hood back, revealing reptilian features. Beaming yellow eyes. Slit pupils. A forked tongue worked the edges of its lips.

Then it whispered a secret in my ear.

"When you take your seventh pill," the stranger spoke in its serpentine voice "you will break the seventh seal".

Then I woke up, and found that I had pissed myself.

Nocturnal urination was one of the side effects of Exilon DR.

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In the morning I underwent some basic tests. Pushing blocks through a shape sorter. Tracing a pencil through basic mazes.

"Do you have any feelings of paranoia or distrust?" Asked Dr. Elleworth, looking down at his clipboard.

"No, not at all" I lied.

Why was I lying to him.

"Any strange dreams? Hallucinations". He went on, jotting something down as he spoke.

"No, definitely nothing like that" I lied again.

Why was I lying to him.

"Well just let us know if you do, okay?" 

After that I went to the dining area. Sort of a cafeteria like environment, where I had a can of yoo-hoo and played Jenga with Becca for a bit.

She told me about her schizoaffective disorder. About the strain it put on her family how she wasn't able to care for her daughter.

After that I went back to my room. 

It was a small space, reminiscent of a boat cabin in some ways. There was a circular faux window that showed a dock, lined with New England style tall ships. 

I spent about an hour reading through a Garfield comic strip book before I dozed off.

-------

In my dream I was in my cot, still clinging to my Garfield book. The fake window popped open and in came the head of the stranger.

Reptilian, soulless and horrifying. It's neck stretched like a serpent. The beings face came parallel to my own. It's hideous yellow eyes locked with mine.

"When the seventh seal is broken," it hissed at me in a snakes tongue "Lord Tyracktus will return!"

Then there was a crack of thunder and I snapped awake.

--------

There was a storm outside the facility. Not that we had any windows to see it. The sound of the pouring rain against the roof sat in odd contrast to the sunny, beachfront offerings of the various monitors.

"Have you had any strange dreams?" Asked Dr. Elleworth, he looked at me curiously this time, aiming the lenses of his spectacles at me "hallucinations? Anything strange?"

"No," I replied to him, waving away his question "nothing like that."

Why the hell did I keep lying to my doctor?

Lying to your doctor is a side effect of Exilon DR. 

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I spent the afternoon on a deck chair thumbing through my Garfield book.

Becca came and offered me another pudding, which I gracefully accepted.

She said she had no noticable effects from the drug this far.

I was having strange reptile dreams, itchiness and dry skin, some paranoia. I didn't tell her that though.

I took my fifth dose of the drug that night.

-------

In my dream I was awake.

I'm my waking state I was dreaming.

The facility was dark and I struggled to make it through the rooms. No one was around. The fake windows were glitching out. Flashing static between different scenes of other worlds and wrong looking places.

I stumbled my way into the main room with the deck chairs. The massive screen in there has become a window to another time.

I was looking at the ancient world. The antideluvian landscape was vast and alien. Smoke and fog rising from great earthen vents on the horizon.

There was great stone construct, around which there was a crowed of hooded figures.

They were identical to the stranger. The serpent who stalked my dreams.

They danced in great organized concentric circles. Chanting and hissing. Stripping naked and writhing in ecstasy.

Then a great shadow was cast upon them.

My eyes were burning, I could not blink.

I was bearing witness to Lord Tyracktus.

He came down from the sky like an angel of death. A massive pterodactyl, with green-gray flesh. His eyes burned red like the embers of hell. The snake people fell to the ground in worship. Lord Tyracktus, with his toothen snout scooped one up, first throwing the creature into the air, then swallowing it whole.

Then the great beast stared right at me, it could see through my every cell. It knew me. It was becoming me.

Just then I snapped awake. 

I was in the cafeteria now, I had fallen asleep over a pudding cup, and again I pissed myself.

It was quite humiliating as the nurses helped me back to my room.

Humiliation is a side effect of Exilon DR. 

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The next day I was having some problems. My skin was very irritated and my pallor was unhealthy.

Dr. Elleworth was concerned.

"Have you experienced any psychological issues" he asked cautiously "or just the irritated skin?" 

I decided to level with him.

"I'm having recurring nightmares," I confessed "I'm visited by this being that's like a reptile person. He tells me about this creature called Lord Tyracktus. I think it was some kind of dinosaur that was worshiped during the primitive and distant pangean era. Maybe it's a dinosaur that was possessed by a demon? Or maybe aliens experimented on it and then returned it to earth with supernatural powers?"

"I'm not really sure." I added.

"Well," replied Dr. Elleworth contemplatively"that's probably not a big deal and I wouldn't worry too much about that."

"I'll get the nurses to bring you some cream for that irritation, just try to get some rest."

The conversation left me feeling very alone.

Feelings of loneliness are a side effect of Exilon DR.

That night I took my sixth dose of the drug before bed.

--------

The next day I felt tremors in my limbs. I was exhausted and despite the medical cream I was itchy all over.

"Do you have any feelings like you are transcending space and time?" Asked Dr. Elleworth, writing on his clipboard.

"No," I replied "not at this moment.

I spent the afternoon talking to Becca. It helped with the loneliness.

She told me the drug seemed to be helping. It had given her some nightmares and a sort of nervous feeling at first. She said that after the initial side effects passes she was feeling more grounded. More clearheaded.

It gave me a little hope I suppose.

Some of the other patients were playing Uno in the cafeteria. I sat slumped over nearby. Unable to participate.

The storm was still ongoing outside and I tried to focus on the sound of the rain outside.

I was exhausted and had no appetite.

That night I took the seventh dose of Exilon DR.

The seventh seal was shattered.

---------

That night I saw him again in my dreams.

Lord Tyracktus.

He ripped a massive hole through the ceiling. Behind him the storm was raging.

Thick tendrils of purple and white lightning burst down from the black clouds above. The rain fell in on my, soaking my cot. 

The great beast thrust his dinosaurid snout into my face. Jagged teeth jutting in all directions.

"The seventh seal is shattered now," he spoke in a surprisingly soft tone "The time has come. Your flesh shall be the gate of our ascension."

I snapped awake to find I was in the infirmary. nurses were strapping me down to a gurney.

-------

"Hold them down!" Exclaimed Dr. Elleworth.

I was convulsing. My flesh was fully gray. The itching and burning on my flesh was unbearable.

"I think they're having an allergic reaction to the Exilon DM." Cried one of the nurses, as she loaded a needle with some unidentifiable liquid.

"Help me!" I tried to scream, but it came out as an animalistic roar.

"That's impossible," replied Dr. Elleworth "they were part of the control group. They were never exposed to the drug".

I heard him say this but I didn't fully comprehend.

It was already too late. The 7th seal had crumbled under the awesome weight of Lord Tyracktus.

My gray flesh tore open, peeling away like the skin of a snake, from within I emerged reborn.

I had become one with the great beast. The ancient sky tyrant, who once ruled the planes of an alien earth. Garnering worship and devouring at will.

I snatched Dr. Elleworth in my hideous snout, his spectacles flying across the room. He screamed in vain as I whipped him around, swallowing him whole.

The nurses ran screaming through the door. 

Patients had gathered outside the infirmary, drawn by the commotion.

Becca was the only one who stepped over the threshold. She approached me slowly. She put out her hand gently, but I could not take it.

"Thank you for listening to me." She said, tears beginning to run down her delicate, pale cheeks. 

We looked in each other's eyes. Feeling the presence of each other's souls. It was the last time I would ever feel reprieve from the loneliness.

I cocked my hideous elongated skull back and let out a blood cuddling roar.

Then deep from within the ancient chasm of my gullet erupted a massive laser, like a great beam of lightning that tore through the ceiling.

The storm outside was revealed for all to see.

Then I spread my leathery wings and flew into the sky.

Lord Tyracktus. The great destroyer. Ancient dinosaur god of the lizard people.

Always alone. Forever and ever. Alone.